July 29 1977
7:19 AM Time Zone is CDT
Des Moines, IA

From Astrolabe http://www.alabe.com/freechar...

Rising Sign is in 19 Degrees Leo
You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth, power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically, you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and bearing. Try not to be such a showoff!

Sun is in 06 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.

Moon is in 23 Degrees Capricorn.
You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you're a failure unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don't be so hard on yourself! For you, practical needs always win out over emotional considerations. Remember that you too have the right to comfort, security and love. Dutiful and patient, when you make an emotional commitment, you sign on for the long haul -- your love is long- enduring.

Oddly, I've already gotten an email regarding my new attitude lately. How coincidental or something.

____________________

Me to friend:

I feel at odds with ppl, with things, whatever. I have been getting frustrated that when I try to do something new or different, I end up doing them by myself. Sometimes I just don't know how to act or what to do with myself. When that happens, I tend to freeze up and be diffident.

I'm not happy with how things are. So I gotta make a change somewhere. Part of it is my job & home life. Another part is taking a look at my friends and my interactions with them. Some days I think I am unintentionally being like Van was earlier this year, withdrawn, distant or difficult. Other times, I'm just trying to do the things I want, without letting others influence me. Trying to stand up for myself, get respect, though I don't always go abt it the right way.

I still love dancing, but I'm not that a big partier anymore. Yes, I am being guarded even around ppl I've known for years. But I don't know how else to be. Sometimes it's easier with new ppl. There's not usually some weirdness or awkwardness there, even when I'm the one that started it. I'm not trying to blame anyone. And if I'm having the issues with most ppl, then maybe it is more me, than it’s them, but that doesn't make it any less valid.

I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s better to do things on my own than to simply not do them cuz I can’t find anyone else to do them. But that doesn’t mean I’m completely happy with that decision either. So maybe it reflects when I’m hanging out with you all. The days of [our old group] are gone. The group dynamic or whatever has shifted another direction. It’s not only me, but maybe a large part of it is. Fine, but I don’t want the same old things and I’m trying to make some changes. I’ve been trying to find other ppl to go to plays and clubs, like Kaliente and Butta, with me so that I won’t resent it when you all say no. It’s hard sometimes; I don’t want to take it personally, but sometimes that’s how it feels. It maybe a question of the chicken & egg; hard to tell now which is the cause and which is the effect. Regardless that’s how things are now and have been for at least the last month.

So this turned into a long response and honestly it was me searching for an answer, rather than just me answering you. Hopefully this was explanatory and not accusatory to you or anyone else. What of it what you will, I guess.

The purge has started. I'm getting rid of the extra shit in my life. So far it's only been unused email addresses and phone numbers. If I won't ever call or write someone, then I really don't need to retain that info.

The purge has been going in other ways since the beginning of summer. I'm culling my friends or something. Making less time for those that don't make the cut. It's quality not quantity that counts. A few of the right kind are so much better than a dozen of the wrong ones. This isn't so easily accomplished. It's much harder to drop a friend, especially one that you share with other friends. I've done it with my family as well, but in a less severe way. I only talk to those I'm closest too. I still love the rest, but I don't need their drama up close. The rare occasions I see them will have to suffice.

This weekend, I'll be going thru some of my physical possessions. I've long been a pack rat in training; it's long past time for that to change. Before I move I really need less stuff. And I need to figure out a way to get it organized and keep it that way.

The hardest purge will be of this job that I have now. After 5 years, I'm attached to it, though I know I have no future here. It's time for a change. I just need to be mature and pro-active enough to go out an initiate the change. I know I can do it; it won't be simple, but it'll be worth it.

Out with the old; in with the new.