Daily Leo Forecast
Quickie: Sometimes it's best to hold your tongue. Get out a pen instead. Write it down.
Overview: You've been attracting your fair share of attention, and probably a bit more. That won't change any time soon, which may leave someone green with envy. Smile for the camera.
Daily flirt (by Astrology.com)
You need to get back down to bedrock. No, not the Flintstones town -- you need to get in touch with your deepest self and fundamental motivations. Once you're feeling centered again, you'll find the confidence you need

I don't use a pen but I do tend to write things down rather than blab abt them. Why is it so much easier to write/type than it is to tell someone something in person or even on the phone? Why can't I say the things that I need to? Why do I delay and dither and make things worse?

And there's no reason for anyone to be jealous of me these days. Definitely don't have my shit together. But then again I'm just being pissy today. Restlessness last night wasn't really resolved. Carry over until today and suckiness. Ugh I want my good mood of the last few days back.

Anyways, in the spirit of the year and trying new things, I'm going camping again this weekend. That's not new, but this time around it's just me going. Mostly cuz I only booked it last week, but I've been wanting to go this weekend for a while and to San Juis Reservoir for months. And trying to stick to my motto of not letting others influence my decision on what to do or not do, I'm going ahead and going solo. It's more pressure, cuz I have to make sure I have everything I need. Not as easy as purchasing my season play tickets was yesterday. Oh well that's life.

I've got time right now. So I'm gonna write more. I'm gonna expound upon Silentwordz thoughts. There really is no substitute for human contact. I don’t mean just general interaction. I mean actual touching. Doesn’t have to be sexual or even intimate. Hugs are great; something I’ve just re-learned in the last couple of years. Pats on the shoulder. Brush of the legs. It’s all good. And it’s all missed when it’s not there.

My favorite seems to be dancing. Kinda an odd format to be seeking human interaction but it works for me. With the right song or the right person, you can be right there face to face. Or back to back. Or back to front; front to back. It’s quite humorous. Well a smile is on my face, so something’s good. It doesn’t have to be freaking, though I don’t mind that. Simply grooving to the music in synch with someone else? That’s heady. I don’t wanna lose the beat. This weekend we had a “freak train.” Those are usually more joking than not. I was on next to the end. The girl on the end, looking back along the rest of the train, said something abt them not having any rhythm. I can only hope she wasn’t including me in that. I’ve been told I do have rhythm. Laters, the same girl was behind me, so I backed up so we could be back to back dancing, joining our two cabooses to make a bigger train.  Somehow that worked, worked really well. I think we were all amazed we could move that well together. I don’t know how drunk they all were. I wasn’t. Two drinks won’t buzz me.

If I concentrate, but not too hard, I can move with the music. I love that. I’m working really hard at being able to stay on the dance floor by myself. It’s a hard thing for me. Something I’m completely conscious of. I still can’t really start out by myself. It’s best if a group us go and they wander off but there’s still good music on. I worked on that on Sunday. I stayed mostly dancing once we got started. I wanted the others to come back, but I wasn’t sweating it that they didn’t. I was just enjoying the music and the dancing for what it was.

There’s more I want to say, but I’m trying to stick to the theme of human touch here. Dancing is an easy way for me to get my fill of it. Saturday, I did get a back massage. But not all touch is good! Eek! It was a lil too rough for me and Sunday my back was sore. I could almost still feel the fingers pressing on my back. It wasn’t intentional; it couldn’t have been intentional, not from that girl. Maybe others enjoy it like that. There was more casual touching among us all, but nothing else really stands out. Just the bladder incident. I’m realizing again looks can be deceiving. Or maybe it’s just preconceived notions? Maybe I assumed what she was like before I knew her. Maybe that’s why I was caught off guard. Her ass comment caught me off guard as well. But that just made me laugh.

Then again others are freer with their bodies. It’s not such a big deal if someone touches them. I’m not that open. I couldn’t be the one saying “high, no higher” until their hand is at my breasts. I can’t do that. Not in public, not even in jest. I can be the one to go along with it, but not the instigator.

There’s the other side. When it’s in appropriate, unappreciated. I prolly veer more towards being too cautious, but it seems better than the alternative. You don’t want to be the one crossing boundaries. Stepping over the line. Making ppl wonder why you’re acting like that. Help me if I ever become like that!

So I'm skipping my Vegas story for now. Maybe I'll work on it this week since it's gonna be another slow one. Instead I’ll just write abt some of the other stuff that’s been going on. Which is mostly a lot of nothing. Or it’s just mostly the same old things. Haven’t totally lost their appeal, but no long anything special.

Sunday I had my first volunteer shift at NCTC. It was even easier than could be imagined. Just stand there, tear everyone’s stubs, hand them a playbill, assume they know where their seat is. Supposed to show ppl, but most wanted to figure it out on their own. I was willing to let them. I only had to get one teenage girl to move out of an older gentleman’s seat. Couple guys in the last row saw in the wrong seats, oops, but since we weren’t full I didn’t make them move. And best of all! I had a front row center seat to all the action. It’s not a very big theatre, but it was still awesome to be so close.

I must admit I didn’t have my normal high after seeing a performance. But maybe it was the excessive heat. Or having to buy a belt before I could go dancing. I know my friends thought I was a dork cuz it took me an hour to get the belt and get over to the Café. Sides why did I need to rush over there? Just cuz they’re bored? Whatever, silly girls.

I’m back again to almost liking someone just cuz they’re friendly. Well it’s more than just that. Sometimes in the initial stages of friendship, I can get confused. And it’s bad. I can be a big jokester too. Just flirting cuz it’s harmless. So I dunno why I get confused. Maybe cuz it feels good, but I know it’s wrong too. But then again how else does the real thing start? Can’t it have the same beginnings? I dunno. I just have to think things thru. Be aware when someone is just jibing me and when someone’s digging me. Maybe it’s cuz I’m attracted to those that can joke around with me and make me laugh. That’ something friends do. So sometimes the lines get blurred. Not really complaining. Just stating the case.

Some how I’m still vaguely in contact with the girls from July. Well the first one dropped out, but that doesn’t surprise me that it went no further than the play. The second I’ve hung out with a couple times and I’m still not sure what to think of it. But since nothing’s come of it, I’m sure we’re just friends. The third and fourth would prolly have better potential if we ever meet. It was a lil clearer what we’re all looking for. I dunno which would come up to snuff first, arrange a meeting up. So when I thought I was back to ground zero, I’m not somehow. But I am still considering placing my own ad. That’d maybe help me get what I’m looking for. Put myself out there. Have to see.